Okay, look. My budgeting plan literally started the night I was sitting on my kitchen floor in Austin, Texas, eating cold leftover Torchy’s queso straight from the container with a spoon because I’d already spent my entire grocery budget on DoorDash and vintage band tees. It’s currently 1:47 a.m., there’s a fruit fly circling my head, and my bank app is mocking me with a $12.37 balance until payday. So yeah, I’m basically the perfect person to tell you how to set and stick to financial goals, said no one ever, but here we are.
Why My Old Budgeting Plan Always Face-Planted in Like Three Days
I used to do that thing where I’d make this gorgeous Google Sheet with color-coding and tabs and little pie charts and tell myself “this is the month, babe.” Then by day five I’m at Target buying $80 worth of “essentials” that somehow include a velvet ottoman and pumpkin-scented candles. The problem? My budgeting plan sounded like punishment. It felt like I was putting my personality in jail. So I’d rebel, hard.
The Budgeting Plan That Actually Works for My Chaos Brain
Here’s the system I’ve been running since June that’s somehow kept me from total financial ruin (mostly):
- 60/20/20 rule instead of 50/30/20 because I’m not a robot who only needs 30% for “wants,” okay?
- Separate “guilt-free spending” account — I transfer $200 the second I get paid into an Ally bucket called “do not judge me.” Once it’s gone, it’s gone, no shame.
- “Future Me” envelope in my wallet with $50 cash that I’m literally not allowed to touch unless it’s an emergency or Whataburger after midnight (those are the same thing in Texas). https://www.youneedabudget.com/
How I Set Financial Goals Without Wanting to Yeet Myself Into the Sun
I stopped calling them “goals” and started calling them “vibes I’m trying to fund.” Sounds stupid? Yes. Works? Also yes.
Right now my vibes are:
- $5k emergency fund by April (currently at $2,300 because I had to fix my car after I backed into a shopping cart into it, don’t ask)
- Save $800 for ACL Fest tickets without crying https://www.monarchmoney.com/
- Pay off the $1,200 left on my couch that I bought during a depressive episode in 2023 (her name is Deborah and she’s worth it)
The Apps and Tools That Stop Me From Lying to Myself
- YNAB — expensive but it’s like budget therapy
- Monarch Money — prettier and syncs with everything
- A physical notebook where I write “you are not a Victorian child, stop buying $9 lattes” on repeat
When Life Punches Your Budgeting Plan in the Face
Last month my dog ate part of the baseboard (???) and the repair was $400, and I had to move money from my “new tattoo” fund into “keep landlord from murdering me” fund. It happens. The trick is having a “sh*t happens” line item — mine is $150/month and it has saved my entire budgeting plan more times than I can count.https://www.buc-ees.com/
Anyway, Here’s the Real Talk
I still screw up. Last week I spent $67 at Buc-ee’s because beaver nuggets are a personality trait. But for the first time in my 32 years on this cursed earth, I have more than $12 in my account two weeks before payday. Progress, not perfection, or whatever that TikTok sound says. https://torchys.com/
If you’re sitting there with ramen breath and overdraft anxiety like I was, start small. Move $20 to savings today and name the account something that makes you laugh. Mine is currently “in case I need to flee the country.” Baby steps.
What’s one financial goal you’re too embarrassed to admit out loud? Drop it in the comments — I promise mine are worse.
P.S. If you want the exact (slightly chaotic) Google Sheet template I use for my budgeting plan, DM me on Instagram @brokeintexas — I’ll send it with zero judgment and a side of tough love. You got this. Or we’ll both be eating ramen forever together. Either way, solidarity. ✌️
